Darn it! Being a skinflint I used an individual portion size box and it doesn't cover the whole screen, I can still see the ratings. Do I have to buy a large box of cornflakes as well as paying for the instructions? There's a credit crisis on and this is going to empty my piggy bank, I wonder if I can apply to be bailed out by the government?
Schoolboy error Spongefreak, been there myself. You should have seen my first attempt, gloy glue and crepe paper…atrocious. You’ll be pleased to learn that I am currently beta testing a pre production model on those individual variety sized cartons you speak of. It should work well with smaller netbooks, blackberry’s and i-phones, filling up a lucrative gap in the market. On the monetary front, considering these uncertain times and the betrayal of our financial institutions, I would like to reassure all shareholders in the Neg-Obscurer 2000 corporation that I will not be taking any performance related bonuses this year. But just try stopping me joy riding the private jet!
alternately, buy my discounted model, which is a modified pair of nhs glasses, specially calibrated with 2 precise lines of a permanent marker. cheaper that his rubbish and can be used to make fat birds appear thin. get it on httttp:://www.intergalacticsuperhighway..//therealsoutie.web/notthatcornflakesboxcrap
I am aware that I am using too many column inches on this page so I may have to let this one go. Normal service will be resumed shortly on another page. P.S. if i use your nhs glasses on myself and look in the mirror does it give me a six pack?
May I also tell you about some exciting new offers we have running this month that will create significant savings in the long term. Let me send you a no cost, no obligation quote. See why Wired magazine readers are calling the Neg-Obscurer 2000 ‘a remarkable invention’ and ‘a life affirming gadget, it’s my generations ipod’. Daily Mail reader Colin from Wokingham says ‘it lets me view MSW without the agro, I feel much calmer, I haven’t said BAN THIS SICK FILTH in ages’
There you have it Teetsville’81, with testimonials like that this puppy is selling itself while I sit on the beach making 20 percent!
The Neg-Obscurer 2000: ‘Obscuring scorn and sometimes porn’
Van, dont get me wrong, im very excited. VERY excited. but, this sometimes porn thing worries me, have you really thought it through? also before i become your regional agent i saw a recent review of it in the Swimmer Monthly february edition by well known celebrity swimmer Duncan *egg head* Goodhew who stated: *...The real disappointment is that after a prolonged training session, i came back all moist and sweaty to my computer and realised that i had inadvertently soaked the *Obscurer 2000* - it was destroyed and now my life is bereft of positivity, im all wet and have soggy cardboard on my balls. why, god why....*. Van, is this a design faul? please confirm. Bubble wrap perhaps?
Bubble wrap-Schmubble wrap, there is nothing wrong with my design. NASA couldn’t design a better negative obscuring device than my towering technological behemoth. Believe me, they have been trying for years. I find it no coincidence that space flight has taken a dip in recent years, where do you think all that research money is getting funnelled into? Trying to invent patent rich cash cow innovations like mine, that’s where. Having said that I do take on board your issue with the soggy cardboard. The mark 1 version was always prone to the vagaries of moisture ingress but Version 2.0 has undergone a process of lamination to counter the effects of so called ‘accidental spillage’. And you can tell Duncan from me that he can play soggy cardboard on his own time and not in front of the assembled national press while I’m paying him to endorse my brand. He’s only bitter because his bald dome reflects a significant amount of stray light back onto the screen, thereby inhibiting normal viewing. I custom built a rubber swim hat for him using the light absorbing properties of black velvet adorned with tarred black goose feathers to catch any peripheral light spillage. He’s only uppity in that review because the tar hadn’t had time to cool before he put it on and now he’s stuck like that. Fame has changed you Duncan. I hate to see bad sportsmanship, and from an Olympic gold medal winner no less, tut tut.
Lamination certinaly appears to have solved the issue. Duncan rang me late last night, practically whinnying with delight at the prospect of utilising the version 2.0 design. I said *hats off to Vanity eh...?*which I obviously would not have said if i had read your comment above - because i can tell you now, the proverbial hit the fan. Duncan suddenly went quiet and asked me if *that was a dig at his new cap?*. I,suddenly realising perhaps i had utilised the wrong phrase beat a hasty retreat back to the realms of discussing his newly 'talced' balls but to no avial. Duncan began to literally scream at me down the phone, saying such things as *Van should never have told you about that* and *i'm not THAT F-ing bald anyhow!* etc - needless to say he was going on there for about 15 minutes. the upshot of all this van im sad to say, is that i lost my rag a bit too - i told him gold medal or no gold medal, he was a silly egg faced, slippery shit bag and that if he so much as attmepted to endorse another of your projects, i'd get wind and shove whatever product it may be sideways where the sun doesn't shine. i also reminded him of jsut how far he's come using the obscurer. Anyway, i apologise but Duncan is out, i wont work with him again - i hope that's ok. On a more positive note, Noel Edmonds left me an email yesterday saying he would be on board as long as there was a recepticle for his beard to rest upon/in whilst utilising it. Didnt you mention something about add-ons in version 2.3? i'll be in meetings most of the day today but drop me msg back so i can let him know? ta.
Don’t think I’ll take you up on that one Teets. Edmonds screwed me over on a pyramid scheme in the late ‘90s when he was in the Doldrums after getting axed from Noel’s House Party. I had to hold Mr Blobby ransom until I got my cash back and the chubby pink fella lost a few digits in the process until I was fully reimbursed. Edmond’s must have thought he ordered a bag of supersized sausages through the post. ‘blobby blobby blobby’
Man, this positive/negative rating pish is really giving me ball ache. It’s a noble system being made redundant by rampant misuse and since I have no option to disable the + or -‘s I have invented a contraption fashioned from a corn flakes box which I now place over my laptop screen. By means of a hole cut into the cardboard (and thus revealing the central and left hand side of the screen) I can view the lovely photos and read the funny comments. Ingeniously I have added a sellotaped hinged flap, which hides the negs/posi’s. The downside is that I can’t see the clock in the corner of the screen and I must raise the flap/hinge/flange in order to close or minimise windows. While doing this I usually squint at the screen, so as not to chance upon the negs/posi abuse. The net result of my invention is that the world (naively) seems a fairer place, if only for a short while. I will be uploading the drawings of my MacGyver/Blue Peter design in the coming weeks for anyone who feels this would be of use to them.
P.S. In order to canvas reader opinion please rate this comment positively or negatively so as I can decide whether or not to upload my blueprints.
Enterprising young fellow aren’t you, I like the cut of your jib. You can have the original prototype kit free as a deal sweetener if you agree to nurse the franchise stateside. We’ll go 60/40 on the profits, but I get to appear on the front cover of Fortune magazine on my own (Vanity by name….)
In order to win back consumer confidence, I will be running a cocopops box amnesty, where you may exchange your inferior 3rd party designs for an original Neg-Obscurer 2000 at a reduced introductory rate. After this period all copyright infringements will be dealt with under the full weight of the law. Soutie, I’m looking in your direction, although considering you have had your own copyright infractions/identity theft to deal with I may let this one slide.
Glad to hear it Soutie. But as for saying flipping instead of fecking, it just goes to show what a lovely, sensitive to others feelings and polite bunch of people us spongers are.
It aint small you kook, the white water could break you in two. Then, it would trow you upon dem rocks an' split your skull open. Minimum 4 foot face, closer to to 6.
Everything in this photo is in focus, so no way to judge the size. That wall of ice could be huge and far away yet its still in focus. The only way to know is to ask the author... So Meredith will I at 6'1'' fit inside that barrel?
Good on you Meredith, it's a great shot, your friend should have mentioned that you need to ignore a significant portion of the comments as they are spawned from uncertain minds. It's probably the first shot of a wave in Antarctica posted here and it has some pretty deep mental therapy potential for those who have enough mental ability to go beyond winding the rest of the world up, thanks for sharing a slice of your experience with us.
Thanks, Spongefreak! Antarctica was AMAZING - the most beautiful and unusual place on this planet. A freak wave like this was such a gift for this website.
I took this photo when I was in Antarctica two weeks ago. It is the original - I don't even own photoshop, let alone know how to use it. A surfer friend of mine loved the photo and told me to post it here.
Spongerdudette, fine thanks, great, top form, wonderfull, isnt life beautifull, spring in the step, spring is in the air, love is in the air, everywhere i look around, every sight and every sound and i dont know what i am typing
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Edd Bunce203 days ago
